Relationships can be tricky. They can bring heartbreak as equally as joy.
Not all relationships are deep, some never delve any deeper than a surface level “Hi, how are you? Yes, the weather is nice today.”
Yet, even these small engagements, when repeated with regularity, build a certain familiarity that is a relationship all its own, aka the acquaintance. The role of the acquaintance to the human psyche cannot be understated as it is the precursor to every relationship — even our aunts and uncles were strangers to us once.
Some relationships are indeed family — aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings — the people the world tells us should love us.
But what if they don’t? What if what the Bible refers to as “natural affection” is simply lacking in those we share a bloodline with?
Most have seen “Home Alone” and may remember Kevin’s neighbor no longer talked to his grown son and spent holidays alone. It is a brief part of the movie, but it touches on the deep-seated grief that can plague the human heart during the holiday season — the loss of a relationship once treasured and held dear. Whether through death, distance, or just the inability to remain in the same room with each other, sometimes relationships just end. You may still love them, it may still hurt to think about them, but whatever the reason they are now gone from your table.
It is not wrong to protect your mental health so if a relationship, even if it is one with family, does nothing but cause emotional and mental strife, it is not wrong to prune it from your life. It is also not wrong to use the Thanksgiving season as an excuse to take a gamble on making amends with those we may not hear from anymore.
Chips are thrown across casino tables with reckless abandon all the time, but few these days are brave enough to gamble with their heart. It’s much easier to chalk separation up to distance or time, than to acknowledge there are usually two sides to every story.
I say “usually,” because there are some who simply lack emotional feeling. If anyone out there is working towards coming to terms with the loss of someone like this in their life, I get it, you are not alone and probably did not do anything wrong. It is a sad truth, but emotional vampires do walk among us.
There is no magic cure for their damage or repellant — I’ve looked into it, so just trust me on this — and it is absolutely OK to acknowledge some people just suck and you are better off without them in your life. Even when heartwarming holiday themed family movies and commercials are on TV ad nauseum telling you otherwise.
As we gear up for another holiday season of reflection and fellowship, please remember protecting one’s emotional wellbeing is also mental health, and by no means should you let someone else’s lack of feeling drain the depth of yours.